Grossing Myself Out & Becoming Miss Piggy
So, I awaken this morning with a tuba or something in my eye, get up to see what the heck it is and, through the slits I used to call my eyelids, I see that my left upper lid has completely eaten my lower lid. Or is mating with it–one or the other. Your choice.
I look like Miss Piggy on steroids. And, that’s an understatement. I’ll never eat ham again.
Bacon is up in the air on a decision. I think I’ll wait until next week to decide on bacon.
My show DIALOGUE: Between the Lines starts in a couple of hours and I’m thrilled this is radio and not live streaming video, ‘cause no one should endure that visual. We have on today’s show one of the greatest authors of today, JA Jance, mystery writer and an all-around superb human being, what Jews refer to as a “mensch.” And, she is.
However, with the itchiness peaking today, I just hope no one hears the rabid scratching of fingernails on skin or the oooos and ahhhs from the sheer joy of stroking each swollen follicle. Harry, a dear Facebook friend of mine, assured me this way:
“Susan, our skin (the largest organ of the body) is fairly resilient. You are young and should emerge from this nightmare without a trace.”
Thanks, Harr. You’re a mensch too. I will look back on this moment, okay, this week or so of my life, with fondness because of people like you. In my humble opinion, anyone who says I’m young, well, their name should be added into the Book of Life.
Anyway, I hope I can concentrate on something other than my welting body and actually give a decent interview today.
Yesterday, when I first posted about my allergic reaction, one sweet Facebook-er said, “You should be using oatmeal packs on your skin.” Which I said nicely to her. “Oh thank you. I hadn’t thought of that.”
What I was thinking was, “Then, I would look like Miss Piggy after falling into a vat of oatmeal!” And, who needs that?
Well, the good thing is that Bob really feels sorry for me and is being so great taking care of all the critters and even cleaning and cooking.
Had I known…
So, for now, until my skin clears, I’m sending you all a big ol’ hand smooch and “Au Revoir!” Butcha gotta say it like Miss Piggy.
- From Mirrors to Mud Masks, Miss Piggy’s Most Hilarious Beauty Tips (bellasugar.com)